Here I am a day late and a dollar short. My intentions were to write to you yesterday because I was feeling frazzled and overwhelmed again. As I tried to sit down, there were many distractions that jumped in my way. OR did they? Was I finding ways to divert my attention or were there really obstacles that I had to hurdle?
I find it helpful to make lists so that I can stay focused and then I lost the list. While looking for the list, I got sidetracked by remembering that I needed to send an email but couldn’t find where I had written down the address.
I do this quite often as I am taking notes, and at the time it makes perfect sense where I had written it, and I can even see it in my mind on the piece of paper in the notebook. BUT I cannot find the notebook.
While looking for the notebook, I remembered that I wanted to polish an old pair of sterling silver earrings, but where is the silver polish that I bought last summer. Now I am off on a frantic search for the polishing cream.
My story could continue with many more diversions, but in the end, I found the list that had slid under my bed (or had I intentionally kicked it there), I found the email address in the notebook on my desk right in front of me, and I found the silver polishing cream in the cabinet with all of my batteries (that one makes no sense).
So did I struggle with all of these glitches in my day? Well at first, I did, as my anxiety about losing time started making me feel ill and even jittery. But then I just began to laugh at myself. Here I thought I had started getting my ‘stuff’ together only to be more frustrated because there is still chaos in my life.
I have learned one thing for sure about myself…I do persevere. I will never give up, I will never surrender. I may feel like just saying, “to heck with it all, I’m just going to take a nap.” And sometimes I do because I recognize that my body and mind needs recharging.
But most times, it is better for me to sit down, take several deep breaths, and then start talking to YOU. God, you have been my go to source for comfort and love even in the worst of times. So even when the small stuff ruffles my feathers, I know it’s time to sit still and listen for your voice or gentle nudge.
I am so happy that I have someone that does not ignore or admonish me for losing my ‘stuff’. It took me many years to discover you again even though you never left my side. So if you have time for the small stuff, I know you are always there for the big stuff. And boy oh boy, do we all have big stuff going on in our lives!
“If you knew Who walks beside you on the way that you have chosen, fear would be impossible.” ACIM T-18.III.3:2